Ungratefulness vs. Reality Check

Today was the last day of a 2-week Clay series, I called it “Clay Week” but in my head it was pretty much H-E-Double-Hockey-Sticks Week(s). Almost every teacher who dropped their kids off at my door took one look and said, “Wow, you’re brave” (Translation: “you are one buckle short of a straightjacket, Lady!”). It wasn’t thatΒ bad, but it was definitely borderline insane. Today was the toughest, with an extra added class as a reschedule from earlier in the week, which meant I had zero prep time, zero lunch, zero time to pee, and spent my 10 min turnarounds flinging clay crumbles off the table, and trying to carefully maneuver around creative drying spots for the multitude of snowmen, dragons, one-legged lunch ladies (yes, there is one), ornaments, and mini-football fields (yes, one of those too). I’m just praying this air-dry clay holds up…I have a feeling I’m going to have a lot of one-armed snowmen.

Every time I start to think that I can’t possibly make it in this career the rest of the school year, I run into a student at the store, a soccer game or the park, and the way their faces light up and say, “Hi Mrs. McGreevey!!!” makes me inwardly groan and say, “Darn it, God. Why do you insist on proving your point that I’m right where you need me to be at the moment?!” πŸ˜‰

Today, I overheard a conversation between two boys while they were rolling out their clay, starting out very lighthearted and conversational, and escalating into fervently adamant rebuke. It started something like, “I’m going to make a bell shape ornament and give it to Taco Bell…maybe they’ll give me a free burrito if I give it to them!” to which the other 3rd grader burst in, “You don’t give someone something because you want something in return! You give something because you just want to give it!” Sigh. These are the moments, when I’m prompted by a child, to think a little bit deeper on something that’s eating at me.

Just this morning, Kris and I had a very short, passing conversation that had haunted me all day – just a bit unsettling. He was relaying a brief overview of a recent conversation he’d had with a good friend about adoption. His friend had had an encounter with yet another adoptive parent (yes there are a lot of us out there! LOL) who had voiced that they were having a hard time with the fact that their child (adoptee) wasn’t grateful. I said, “Grateful for what?” Apparently that their child wasn’t grateful for the fact that they had been adopted. Kris laughed and told me that his immediate response was, “When was the last time your biological children (no matter what age) said, “Mom, thanks for giving birth to me!” I concurred, echoing his amusement, because I know that there are very few children who would actually be given the label “grateful” for anything that they have – whether it be food, family, housing, location, etc. etc. Kids just don’t get it.

But that conversation got me thinking – how many adoptive parents are battling this emotional struggle months or even years after their kids come home, just wanting their kids to turn around and say, “Thank you”? What unspoken (or sometimes verbalized) frustrations do you have surrounding your child’s perceived “ungratefulness” for “everything you have done for them”? Is this striking a chord in your heart? It may be tweaking just a little bit of ugly in your gut at the moment. You may be nodding your head and saying, “Yeah, totally, my kid just doesn’t get it – they don’t appreciate anything they have now, they aren’t grateful for where they are vs. where they would have been if we hadn’t completed this adoption,” or “Why can’t they see how difficult their life was, compared to how awesome it is now, and appreciate that difference?!”

Can I say something that might sound harsh?

Why do you need them to?

If your motivation for adoption was to give – to give love, to give family, to give unconditional opportunity, to give hope – I’m assuming your commitment to giving all of this to your adopted child wasn’t “I’ll love you but only if you love me in return”, or “We’ll be your family, but only if you accept us as your family”, or “we’ll give you unconditional opportunity but only if you actually utilize it”, or “we’ll give you hope but only if you give us something to know it was worth our while”.

But let’s circle back to my 3rd grade boys’ Art Class conversation. When we give, it should just be because we want to GIVE; gifts should be given freely, without expecting reciprocation. So when you give the gift of love to your biological children, are you emotionally distraught when they don’t say “thank you for loving me”? or “Thank you for being such an awesome mom/dad”? Probably not. They are kids, they see the world different than we do – as they age their brains will mature and maybe some day they will realize just how awesome you are – probably when they are 35-70 years old – and they might tell you. So why do we sometimes get our hearts in a twist when our adoptive kiddos don’t reciprocate with a heartfelt thankfulness for their new family situation?

I’ll tell you what I see in my 7-year-old. He says “thank you” when given a gift, when given his food, or something that he’s asked for, like a glass of water. But his life prior to Adopted Life for him was so completely normal, he may not see the true reality of his situation until he’s an adult. Kind of like if you grew up in a low-income family like me, I don’t remember ever thinking that I was embarrassed of my house, or the neighborhood I lived in. I don’t remember being embarrassed that I had to ride the bus to get to where I wanted to go or that I lived in hand-me-downs or bought my own clothes from discount stores, Goodwill, or Fred Meyer when I really saved enough of my babysitting money. It didn’t occur to me until I was an adult that there was at least one Thanksgiving where the Thanksgiving Food Box appeared on our front porch, and another one at Christmas with small gifts in it. It was just normal life, and I was a happy kid. This is how I imagine Wes’ view of his past life is. He talks about his orphanage with matter-of-fact-ness, about his friends and stories of things that happened with a nonchalance assumption that everything was absolutely normal. He would probably tell you that there was never a time when he was really hungry, but I know there was. His “family” was the 120+ people at his orphanage, he wasn’t “alone”. We didn’t “save” him from anything.

The truth is is, there is nothing I expect him to be “thankful” or “grateful” for – besides learning thankfulness and gratefulness from this point forward just as my bio kids have been learning since they were old enough to grasp the concept.

I want him to eventually understand that he is blessed to live in a modern day “land of plenty” with opportunities, with thousands of schools to choose from, with plenty of jobs, with technology and networking, with food, with clothing, with amazing friends and an incredible family – but not because he’s adopted. Simply because he is alive, and is a citizen of the United States, just in the same way that we teach our bio kids to appreciate the same things for the same reasons.

If Wes turns 38 and is married and has children and is working hard and calls me up one day and says, “Mom, I just wanted to say Thank you for bringing me into this family and for …” I’ll stop him right there, and I’ll say, “Wesley Wadnelson. You’re welcome. For loving you. Because you’re my son. And there is nothing I would rather be, than be your mom.”

There are days, many many many days, as a parent that are completely thankless. But just because our kids don’t tell us thank you for dinner, and thank you for tucking them in, and thank you for driving me to youth group, and thank you for buying me a homecoming dress, and thank you for packing my lunch, and thank you for doing my laundry, and thank you for cleaning up my puke, and thank you for…(you get the idea), it doesn’t mean that we just up and quit being a parent and go on strike. But we also can’t expect our kids to fully understand, whether adopted or biological, the extent to which we have sacrificed livelihood, income, relationships, free time, brain cells, sleep, etc. etc. so that they could grow up the way they did. They are kids. And many of those kids will continue to be kids in that regard until they are on their deathbed. So be it. But please don’t make the mistake of thinking that your child is ungrateful because they don’t recognize how good they have it here, or how amazing you are as an adoptive parent. It’s just “normal” for them. It may be the “new normal”, but it’s normal just the same, and they’re just a kid.

I hope this makes sense. I encourage you to teach gratefulness in other areas moving forward, being grateful for their home, their family and their parents is one thing, but being grateful for their adoptive family having “saved” or extracted them from something lesser is an expectation that I believe should never be placed on your adoptive child. I don’t ever want my son to feel that he “owes” me anything. If I am expecting gratefulness from him regarding his new Adopted Life living situation, I’m expecting him to “owe” me thanks, and that’s not fair. His life here with us, as a part of our family is unconditional. It is forever, no strings attached. My gift of motherhood to him is open-ended, non-confined, and full of UN-expectation.

I love you because you’re my son. You’re my son, because I love you. And there is nothing I’d rather be than your mom.

Period.

And all this talk about gratefulness and teaching them to appreciate what they have – we think they just don’t get it, and then Wes comes up to me today and says, “Mommy, can I bring some food to school? I want to bring it for the people that don’t have some.”

HEART WARM.

I don’t mind if he never feels grateful for or exhibits thankfulness for his adoption. In fact, I would rather he not. I would rather he just be thankful that he has a super cool mom that he loves, that is fun and silly, who sings with him and laughs with him, who corrects and teaches him, who encourages and inspires him. For me, that’s enough – and I hope that can be enough for you as well.

~Laura

Honk if you like Novocaine!

I can’t believe it’s been a month – the past 30 days have flown by with the gusts of wind that sweep up our forested hillside, bringing a torrent of feathery helicopter seeds spinning into the grass. It’s fun to watch, but the quiet awe and appreciation of something that so exquisitely reflects our God’s genius starts to tread the edge of annoyance in a few months when all those seeds start sprouting new trees in my lawn. Yes. I’m the one that spends 3 hours on a crisp spring afternoon hand-plucking maple babies from the grass. I started counting last year and I counted 300-something then got tired of keeping track. At that point I just started keeping track of what everyone else in the household was doing at that moment since they weren’t out plucking babies next to me. Grrr…

It is definitely fall here in Vancouver! Our woods are full of flaming, mustard-hued, rustling leaves. Wes has quietly observed all of the changes in the trees as they move from bright greens to yellows, browns, oranges and reds. These changes are something that he’s seeing for the first time – and you can see his eyes taking it all in. We’ve spent hours at the neighborhood park playing kickball (complete with bases, and our entire family playing – boys vs. girls – somehow the boys always clean up the score), and throwing the football in the driveway. The crisp air prompted a trip to target to pick up a pair of “man tights” (man sport leggings) also dubbed “Mights” or “Bites” (boy tights), for Wes to wear under his soccer and basketball shorts. He amazingly doesn’t seem to mind the pouring rain or the cold! On days when the downpours are incessant he comes home from school, hops out of the car and runs around the driveway with no coat yelling at the top of his lungs, “IT’S RAINING!!!!!!! IT’S RAINING!!!!!!” and insists profusely each morning, “Mommy, I do NOT need a jacket. I’m not gonna get cold!” Just wait, kid. This is nothing. πŸ˜‰

All four kids are racking up the miles on our cars this month – Braeden started driver’s ed last month and has been hopping in the driver’s seat every chance he gets. Amazingly enough, I’m not nearly as nervous as I thought I would be! Well, okay, that’s a tiny bit of a lie. The first few times in the passenger seat I was writing out my living will and testament in my head. But at this point, he completes driver’s ed next week, and I feel pretty confident that our lives are safe in his hands for the most part. Wes continues to give him a run for his money, winning the prize for the “most vocal backseat driver”. “YOU GOTTA SLOW DOWN, BUD!” or “DUDE, YOU’RE ON THE LINE, MAN,” are common outbursts from his booster seat…Logan has started basketball for school with Kris coaching the 8th grade girls team, and Abby has started her 6th grade basketball team (Kris also helping on/off), and Wes began playing on a 1st grade boys basketball team (again, Kris helping on/off) with boys from his school which he LOVES – and this is in addition to overlapping soccer for a few weeks. Insanity, is what it is. And we wouldn’t have it any other way πŸ™‚

We continue to deal with the same parenting issues with Wesley that we have been through with our older children when they were seven – respectfulness, telling the truth the first time (instead of giving the “joke” answer”), sharing, and finding a compromise instead of doggedly holding to only one opinion. We are finding joy, more and more, in realizing that these behaviors are so much more about just generic, 7-year-old discipline/teaching-moment issues than they are about un-doing his past bad habits or healing a trauma. We still have moments that we recognize an orphanage-style response, or habit – teaching him to pick up after himself is going to be a lifetime of learning, for sure! – His tendency to flick a wayward bit of trash or food across a table or across a room if he doesn’t want it near him is common, or stash his trash somewhere close by instead of making it all the way into a garbage can. Although – again – it gives us relief to remind ourselves that we deal with this same behavior in our biological children as well, and they are 5+ years older than he is! I guess, if this is any encouragement at all to families going through a transition process with their adoptive kiddos – just remember that not all behavior is trauma or hard-past-related. A lot of the issues you’ll deal with are normal, age-appropriate behaviors and when I thought about it from that perspective, it became a lot less anxiety-producing for me. While it is important to understand that some behaviors are age-appropriate but also exacerbated by past trauma, it is equally important to understand that not all the negative behavior you’re seeing is going to need to be UN-done – some of it just needs to be done a first time.

This week, Wes had his very first dentist treatment (AKA Cavity Fillings). I was super anxious that he would be stressed out and nervous and refuse to go in, or fight the hygienists trying to stick stuff in his mouth (AKA NEEDLES). Not so. This kid practically dragged me back to the dentist chair, picked out his movie (Kung Fu Panda 3), put on his special glasses and opened up his mouth wide. He calmly obliged when asked to put the silly gas elephant nose on and breathe deeply, and then proceeded to tell me I could “go out and wait for him” in the lobby until he was done. LOL – a constant battle to teach this child that he DOES, IN FACT, NEED HIS MOMMY. πŸ˜‰ Today I told him (while he was throwing me the football decked out in a Spiderman costume) that even Spiderman kisses his mom, to which he said, “Ugh, I KNOW, Mommy!” However, something softened his heart today, because I got multiple kisses at a few different times today – all complete surprises and not asked for! Anyway, when he finally tromped out of the dentist room with the nurse, carrying a highlighter-green, rubber monkey that lights up when you fling it around, he attempted to smile at me. His lips were tinged with puffiness and his smile ended about 1/2″ into his lips. He looked at me and said, “Mmmy, muh lipppthss are not wuuuhkng!” and proceeded to attempt to slide a mini wooden paddleful of vanilla ice cream into his mouth. When his lips finally landed on the spoon, they were dripping with melted cream and flapping all over the mouthful. Braeden was there with me, waiting, and we both burst into peals of laughter. Of course, like a good mother, I whipped out my phone and started videoing the spectacle. We’ve had many laughs over that video since, but he was such a trooper! He was dead-set on going straight back to school despite his sleepy lips. He couldn’t say “f’s” or “p’s” and could only smile halfway. His nose was tingly and when he had to raise his hand to make a quick exit in class he said, “Mrs. Hippbppbbbbbs, can I go to the bafffppppwoooom?” He still laughs about having to go to the “baffwoom” and says that his lips were so sleepy they made a toot noise when he tried to say it. I guess I don’t need to worry about him being afraid of the dentist. If anyone is in Vancouver – I highly recommend Adventure Dental for all kids dentistry and orthodontia! Amazing people, and it is so worth it for my kids to not mind going to the dentist!

Work for me is busy, exhausting, challenging, but getting easier as I get my bearings and figure out how to manage a classroom of children. I’m not sure I was cut out to be a teacher, but those kids do find a quick way to my heart, darn it! Plus, last week we did a coloring and design element with our Mola making project so each class period I let myself sit down among my kids and color! Color Therapy. It’s a thing, I’m sure.

In addition to working at the school, my ECommerce business, BΓ©l Lavi, is also gearing up for the Christmas shopping season. My office at home and, unfortunately, my dining table, are being overrun with inventory – metal wall pieces, Christmas ornaments, leather bags, jewelry, etc. I get super excited to see it all come in, but nervously pray that it goes back out in boxes with paid shipping labels to customers! πŸ˜‰ If you’re at all interested in checking out what we have going on, please visit www.bel-lavi.com!

Kris’ work is busy as usual, but he’s such an amazing steward of his time, and somehow finds a way to balance his crazy work load with coaching, parenting, and still finding time to be the best husband on the planet.

Well, my eyes are fluttering, and I have another day of teaching about Van Gogh to some 2nd graders and Kinders, making chalk sunflowers! πŸ˜‰

Blessings to you all,

Laura & family

What does “family” really mean?

Just when you start to feel settled, God will totally throw you off your game with an eyebrow-raising curveball. It’s like a crap-shoot – you know the pitcher has one, but you’re really not sure he’ll actually throw one for you. Let me just burst your bubble really quick – He has one – and He’ll throw you that junk all day long. Sometimes I think it may be just for the fun of the spectacle from His view up top! πŸ˜‰ Just kidding.

It’s been almost 6 weeks since Wes’ last fall-apart fit/tantrum. Longest we’ve ever seen – and he’s by far the happiest kid we’ve seen yet. I would say we’re in the “honeymoon stage” of the transition, but honestly, we’ve seen some pretty hairy stuff after some pretty great days – so I really don’t feel like it’s a collection of faux-glory-days – it really seems almost normal. I still battle anxiety at times, but nothing like I was. We’re full-swing into evening sports and struggling through trying to get dinner on the table when both parents are working and then chauffeuring constantly. Some days it feels like I’m juggling a half-full gas tank with a broken, leaky spout, a few balled up kleenexes that fling unmentionable greens with every toss-up, a two-bite piece of a peanut butter sandwich and a half an organic beef pepperoni stick from Costco (they are amazing, BTW) – all while just trying to catch the edge of the beef stick package in my teeth so that I can actually get some protein in my system, without the added booger-snot sauce and eau-de-gasoline (At the moment I’m finally balancing things out with my final serving of fruit. What? Wine is made from grapes, duh! Besides, the grapes were moldy so this is the next best thing.)

My job is absolutely crazy, for 3 full school days per week, but I’m loving it. I think I already said this, but I have about 180 new best friends…and today I received my first piece of artwork – a gift to me by a 2nd grader who wanted to share the love. It is a colorful masterpiece, including the words “I love Art!” in bubble letters across the page. I already sticky-tac’ed it up next to my desk. I’m sure that is going to be the gateway to a wall full of artwork by my students… πŸ™‚ Today, I had a memorable first. I have been working super hard to learn all the kids names, and I think I’m near 75% correct already, so every time I see kids in the hall, I practice their names. Anyway, today after class, I met up with a little one waiting outside the restroom for her buddy. She smiled up at me and I said, “Hello, ______ (name omitted for PRIVACY!!! LOL), how was your recess today? Was it fun?” to which she grinned at me and said, “Well, I pooped my pants at recess, so ummm…” so I got down to her eye level and said, “hm. Well, maybe it wasn’t THAT fun, then…did you get some clean pants?” and she said, “Yep!” and I said, “awesome!” and that was that…

LOL

I also realized that if anyone wants to get me a nice “I love my art teacher” gift, you can drop off a life-size bottle of hand sanitizer. Or maybe a subscription box. Just keep ’em coming. Do you know how many kids I have had to choke down a vomit blob in my throat and say, “Oh, _________, please, let’s keep our fingers out of our noses,” and then a split second later “{gag} {insert dry heave here} please don’t eat that. If you’re hungry I’m pretty sure your lunch time is after Art Class.” Oh gosh. I can feel my wine (I mean, my fruit?) creeping up my throat. Pretty sure there’s a drip just dangling from my uvula. Uvula. What a weird word. Seriously, they couldn’t come up with anything different?

Did you realize yet that this post was just going to be highly entertaining?

SIGH. I really do have something important to say – honestly I’m just not quite sure how I feel about it, so I’m not sure how to address it. So back to the game and the awesome curveball…

Wes loves us, we know he does, even though he refuses to say “I love you” or “Love you, too!” in response to us saying “I love you” (although in the past week, Logan has garnered a few “love you, too”‘s and Kris, tonight, got an accidental “Love you to–!” before he realized he was saying it and abruptly stopped and snapped his mouth shut)…I had a nice, quiet, in-the-dark conversation with him at bedtime the other night and whispered to him that it was okay if he didn’t want to say “I love you” to me, because I know that he shows me every day that he loves me with his hugs, his kisses, by obeying mommy’s directions, by being helpful, and encouraging. I said, “you show me every day that you love me, so it’s okay if you don’t want to say the words.” We feel like he’s SO close – like he’s really just fighting the principle of “I said I wasn’t going to say it, so I can’t say it” – even though it has become something that is so natural to respond with.

He calls Kris and I “Daddy” and “Mommy”, never anything else, not dad, not mom, not hey you, not by our names. It’s always some varying degree of volume, (usually turned up to 11), with a varying degree of urgency (usually the “I’m going to pee my pants!” type of urgency no matter what the level of need). He calls Braeden his brother, and the girls his sisters, and doesn’t balk when they refer to him as their brother.

However his hang up is odd – and honestly, probably not so odd as it feels – but to us it is odd. He has always offered up a correction when we say that he is our son. I say I have two sons, he tells me I have one son, Braeden. He knows I am his mommy, but if I say “we are your family”, he says, “I have a family in Haiti.” We say “You are going to stay with us forever” and he accepts that – however it is the becoming one with THIS family here in our home, that seems to give him the most brain-wrenching conundrum. It is always matter-of-fact, doesn’t seem emotionally disturbing to him at all – but he is convinced that he has a family in Haiti. He tells me he has a Haitian Mommy, and some days he mentions a daddy. He says he has a brother (as far as we know he does not), and says that he has a family in Haiti, and he does not have a “new family” here.

Today I tried a new course of the conversation and told him in response, “Yes, you do have a Haitian birth mommy who lives in Haiti. Now you have an American Mommy and Daddy and you are our son here forever.” I told him that when he’s 15 like Braeden, I will come up and tuck him in and give him hugs and kisses and pray with him just like I do with Braeden. He didn’t offer up any challenge to it.

It is the oddest thing. It seems to be that he accepts that this is his lot for the duration of his life (and he loves it, don’t get me wrong – he definitely is not unhappy about this “arrangement”), and he is perfectly happy to live with us forever, but there is a definite distinction between US and THEM. THEY (meaning this somewhat fictional “family” in Haiti – that he hasn’t seen since age 3, and probably has only figments of memories from), are his FAMILY, and we are simply…I’m not sure what, exactly. This is where I get confused, and maybe, quite honestly, is where he is also battling his confusion in his 7-year old brain. If you, or his teacher, or his friends were to ask him, “Who is your mommy? Who is your daddy? Who is your family?” I’m 99% sure he would answer, “Laura, Kris,” and then list off the people in our household. However, if I get into a heartfelt, serious conversation with him, and I ask him who his family is, he would probably tell me his family is in Haiti.

After almost 4 months home, how do I, as an adoptive mother, process this? I feel like I should be hurting over this confusion, but I think I’m still in this reeling bounce-house of hopping emotion – not really sure how I SHOULD feel. I’m his mommy. But, I will always acknowledge that there is another mommy who loved him in a way I could not – which was to let him go in the hopes that it would be the best thing for him eventually. Praise the LORD this little boy was matched with a solid family structure like ours – but it doesn’t negate the pain of loss that will need to be processed through. I also am very aware that because of the orphanage situation, there is no telling what kind of stories or “line” they told the kids throughout the years after they got relinquished by birth parents or abandoned due to death/illness/other extreme situation. We really don’t know – but I’m sure of one thing – my child was NOT emotionally or verbally prepared for adoption. He was not coached, educated, or taught what was going on, other than that these really happy white people came several times to play with him and bring him treats and toys and wanted to hold him all the time. He knew that eventually he would go live in America with us – and I honestly don’t see him “missing” or acknowledging that he is “missing” the orphanage. He mentions going to “visit” Haiti or asks what time it is in Haiti occasionally, but that’s about it. If Haiti is brought up in conversation, it is 99% of the time because we bring it up. We do our best to keep his heritage and culture “alive” and talked about – because we don’t want him to forget. This is why the family thing is so hard for me, I’m sure. I don’t WANT him to forget his past, to forget his people that he loved and who loved him. I think it is so important for ME to remember all the people in my life who have loved me – I wouldn’t want to take that away from my child. However, what do I do as a Mommy who desperately wants her adoptive son to understand the place he holds now, as a permanent member of THIS family? He’s not a guest, he’s our son. He’s not here on permanent vacation, this is his HOME. How do we truly become his FAMILY without pushing ourselves as a replacement? In his 7-year-old mind, he hasn’t LOST anything – he’s simply in a different world, a parallel universe – one where he can have this cool Americanized experience, grow up to be a Police Officer (yes, that is what he wants to be…make a mama proud!), earn allowance every week and play soccer on a team – (more importantly to him, SCORE GOALS!). His other universe still exists for him – I think as I process this in black and white I’m understanding that it’s okay with me for now. I don’t want to replace his birth mom – I can’t. I didn’t carry him in my belly for 9 months, I didn’t nurse him or teach him to walk, I didn’t cut my very heart out by making the most selfless decision possible and let him go, signing my name on the dotted line that I was no longer the responsible party for his little being. Regardless of whether I could have or could not have done all those things that she did – the bottom line is I didn’t. So I can never be an adequate replacement Mommy. I think that’s hard for me. I think sometimes I think I want to be the only Mommy, and that I probably feel a little threatened that he isn’t willing to just let me have my larger-than-life moment of Mommy Glory and be the ONLY mommy.

As much of an emotional struggle as that is – I know that the answer is that in time, he’ll process through it – and it doesn’t have to be today. My job today is to let that little boy fall asleep knowing without a doubt that even if I’m only 2nd Mommy, or American Mommy, or Blan Mommy, my name still has 5 letters in it that won’t go away – “M-O-M-M-Y” and that this M-O-M-M-Y loves him very very much. It is also our job as parents to continue to operate and love on, teach and instill that we are a FAMILY of 6 – 6 letters for 6 people – and that it is okay if he has more family in Haiti – who knows, maybe they will come live with us someday – that just means he has a bigger family and that is special too!

So, what is family? What does family even mean, really? Is it solely limited to the people who birthed you and are related by blood? Probably not, I think most of us would agree, especially in a situation like adoption πŸ˜‰ – so then, is it just the people who you call Mommy, Daddy, brother, sister, grandparents, cousins, uncles, aunts, etc.? What about when relationships get messy, or divisions happen, or an ocean and an entire continent drive you apart? What if one person lets go of another – does that mean they aren’t family anymore?

I would love to say that Family are people who love deeply, selflessly, and/or are loved in return deeply and selflessly. Unfortunately you probably each thought of the one or two “family” members who don’t quite fit that bill, or the 73 family members who are defying my very flower-child definition of family at the moment just by taking a breath and blinking their crusty excuses for eyelashes (because I know that if they are in such juxtaposition to my definition, of course they have crusty sleepy seeds just clinging to their eyelashes…all anti-family-atic people do).

Maybe this is simply a challenge left in your hands then – what kind of family do you have? What kind of family do you WANT? What if you were to be the kind of person you’d want your definition of family to be, even if it wasn’t reciprocated? What if your determination to love selflessly changed the entire make up of your “family”? Here’s another curveball for you – What if your family is not blood-related but simply people who love you ridiculously, and who you love in return? Because I don’t for a second think that if you don’t have blood-related family that you’re relegated to living a loveless life wandering the desert of lack-of familial relationship. πŸ˜‰

This is an extremely long post, I’m very sorry…, and now throughout this post I’ve consumed TWO servings of FRUIT. Can I call it a “smoothie”? It is a REALLY smooth smoothie… I’m a Jamba Juice addict for sure already, but this is a huge business-boosting idea. Someone should pitch it. Just compensate me in free smoothie cards, it’s okay. Seriously, they just put a franchise location (FINALLY) on my route to school/work…and now I’m back to square one, where I was when I worked at Nordstrom…all my paycheck going straight to the goods. When I’m not buying watercolor palettes and extra hand sanitizer for the Art room, I’m buying a Small Peanut Butter Protein: sub almond milk, sub soy protein, add extra peanut butter Jamba Juice smoothie. (just copy and paste into your online order for me, thanks in advance!) I think I drink more smoothies than coffee right now and that’s saying a LOT.

Whew. Bedtime. And, time for reading glasses for the rest of you because I’ve officially ruined your eyesight from the word-count. One of these days I’ll publish this thing as a whole and then you won’t have to read it on a backlit device screen.

I’m also adding in here (as I just proof-read it) that I acknowledge there are no pictures. This is a painfully wordy, pictureless-post. I am okay with that. Just wanted to put that in writing. πŸ˜‰

Blessings,

Laura

 

 

After 7 different blog title attempts, Braeden says, “mom, just start writing it and figure out the title later.” Just when you think you’re in your own little world…you find out someone else is in there with you. πŸ˜‰

I’m sure everyone is wondering, (hopefully pleasantly), “why are you posting again so soon?” I know it’s only been a couple days since the last post – but after mulling over my words and sleeping on a few run-on sentence ramblings I realized what is bothering me so much. I think so many times the updates from other adoptive families that I read, and the questions people ask of us, center largely on the new family addition – the adoptee – and whether the child’s transition process is deemed a success or failure. The black and white lettering on the screen and recounting of days/nights are like necessary oxygen to our lungs as adoptive parents, but many times what is missed is the foundation, the glue that quite literally keeps each day rolling one into the next.

For us, this foundation – besides first and foremost being God our Father Who daily gives us grace and a fresh spirit to make wise decisions and love without bounds – this foundation is the collective body of our 3 other kids. As I overheard Kris recount on the phone earlier this evening, they “gave up their entire summer”, which is so true. Even though we warned them that this first summer home from Haiti would largely be focused on Wesley and family time, they all without complaining sacrificed countless sleepovers, friend activities, sports events, all sense of normality and comforting experiences, to spend in complete and total “Wesley’s World”. They spent evenings creating traditions of reading bedtime stories, bike riding on summer nights, inventing silly inside jokes, bonding, bonding, bonding, burying each other in sand, jumping waves, teaching moments and concepts like money, value and the importance of saving (he is currently hoarding his $42 that he’s saved all summer with the intention of purchasing his very own ukulele!). They have bravely withstood the absolute wrath of a 7-year-old and his grumpy excommunication from good grace, and stood there waiting when he turned back around – simply to show him that they will never leave. They have endured annoying tagalong additions to their big-kid sleepovers and activities, endured long hot days watching soccer games, and banded together for emotional support while Kris and I dealt with meltdowns in the other room. They have laughed at countless silly jokes that make no sense, watched Minions and Lego Batman umpteen times, and played 47,000 games of spiderman chutes and ladders. All of these activities and more make for an entire 3-month span that revolved around a new member of their family that wasn’t a cute, cooing, entirely dependent baby that you could stick in a crib and rock to sleep if you were bored…but one that pounced on you at 7:00am insisting that you wake up, always got first pick, and never got the same punishments that you received when you were 7.

These kids have shown a maturity far beyond their years, consistently believing in the bigger picture – and fully understanding that each fraction of a moment that you spend and invest into this little man shapes the little man he will become days, weeks, months, and years from now. Their perseverance has been humbling, their honesty and truth have been inspiring, the laughter unavoidable and contagious, and I have never been able to see my 15 year old son wrestle with a younger boy the way that he does with his little brother. After 15 years he is finally able to be a “big brother” to a BOY – which is worlds different than having sisters, because you can’t have fart wars with your sisters, and you definitely can’t punch a sister in the arm without mom or dad grounding you for a lifetime. I cannot tell you how many mornings I curiously go upstairs to look for any rustling signs of life only to find the two boys giggling and wrestling or playing their game of “hey, dude. Get off my bed!” while they pin each other down. As many pseudo-brothers as Wes had at the orphanage, there is no replacement for a living, breathing, loving big brother who would protect you at all cost and has literally given up his “normal” existence for your companionship and partnership for the rest of his life.

The girls are the best big sisters a kid could have. Abby and Wes are the best of friends, playing and exploring constantly, and also the first to bicker and fight (youngest, closest in age, a complete given, and Abby is used to being the youngest and got her “position” messed up!). Logan morphed from being the “babysitter” personality into the coveted oldest sister position over the past month – she moved from simply entertaining to fully engaged, let’s roll around the floor and be silly and have a dance party and dive off the diving board like a chicken – sister. Wes loves these kids incredibly – although he would probably still never admit it – at least not to us, and this kind of deep-rooted emotional exchange would never have happened had our kids not just dropped everything and focused on bonding with every fibre in their being.

I listened to my first, tearful, honest communication from one child about how sometimes they wished we didn’t have a 7-year old – that it was frustrating and that sometimes they felt like I forgot about them or didn’t see them, because I was so focused on making sure Wes was okay. I knew this conversation would come eventually – it doesn’t make it easy to hear, but at least I wasn’t completely surprised. But it did remind me that we aren’t perfect. I can’t be the perfect mom, wife, or friend – but when someone calls out a behavior that isn’t ideal, I would be dumb to not take that as a challenge to learn how to do something better, to change, to grow. And so, I listen, I love, and I try to make changes. I pray for strength, wisdom and grace – for patience even though I know that’s the #1 thing never-to-pray-for.

The past 3 months have made their mark, and shaped a new boy from this little man. Wes arrived smiling and pleasant, eager to take on the world, but unsure of how to do that any way but alone. Over the last three months he’s learned to depend on other people – his family, to seek refuge and help from his siblings, to laugh with others, to cuddle up and just sit in the quiet of an embrace, to receive praise (we’re still working on this), to accept challenges and reprimands, to adapt, to grow, to become stronger, and more confident. He is learning to love – and to forgive, to bestow grace and dole out mercy.

These days are beautiful, even though when the breeze blows the right way you can still catch the fragrance of pain and broken places that linger in the cracks. We’re getting there – but we are getting there together – as a family unit – all of us.

The McGreevey SIX.

First Week of School!

I cannot believe we’ve already been through an entire week of school! They began last Wednesday, and had Weds – Friday last week and we are almost to Friday again! This week has flown by – mostly because I began teaching classes this week, so my normally laid-back days spent casually folding laundry, running errands, chatting with friends at Bible Study, or eating bon-bons (ummmm…I know guys joke about this all the time, but seriously. Does any stay-at-home mom even have a clue what a “bon-bon” is?? I think my Grandma used to eat them when I was a kid. I remember something about chocolate covered ice cream balls…kinda like today’s Dibs…For the record – I don’t like chocolate, and I can’t eat ice cream…so I definitely am not a bon-bon eating, stay-at-home mom) – complete, miles-long run-on sentence, segue-ing into the fact that I’m sitting on the couch trying to write a blog while the kids are watching “SING” a movie which I LOVE and makes me cry every time the adorable elephant sings – so I’m very distracted – and I have no idea what I was talking about. Okay. So obviously I’m super exhausted because stay-at-home mom-ing is super tiring, but teaching Kindergarteners, 1st graders and 2nd graders on top of being a mom is absolute INSANITY. I thought my life was loud before I took this job. This week, I spent three out of the last 4 days teaching kids about “magic (AKA Primary) colors” and inspiring an immediate love for the new art room in every child that walked in – especially the ones that declared their disgust for all things “artsy fartsy” the moment they walked in the door. πŸ™‚ So far so good – I now have 160 or so new best friends who hug me at our rendezvous at the bathroom sink, wave to me in the halls and tell their mommies “that’s Mrs. M-m-m-GRAVY, she’s our art teacher, mommy, she’s so nice!” in the pickup line. I can’t feel my big toes, I have a huge blister on my heel from being on my feet all day in new shoes, I’m pretty sure I will always refer to RYB as “magic colors” for the rest of my life and I’m having dreams about Tempra paint and Trolls singing “Hair up!” with rows of paintbrushes…but I love it.

You want to know the other thing I love? This morning, at my 9am class hour, my little 1st grader came to my room with the rest of his class, sat down at his paper, and expectantly waited for his mommy to begin teaching his art class. He grinned giggled when his picture came up on my power point slide show introducing my family, and shyly nodded yes when all the kids said, “Are you Wesley’s Mommy??!!” and explored the magic of his primary color mixing with the rest of the kids, laughing and working hard to create something beautiful on his page.

This boy never ceases to amaze us – his growth, his change, his adaptation to new experiences and new environments is crazy-beautiful! He started school last week on Wednesday morning, and came home Thursday with his first school worksheet where he colored in the appropriate black and white image that portrayed the emotion he was feeling on the first day of school – he chose “Excited” and in his adorable handwriting below he wrote, “I am excited because I love school!”

I cried.

I have prayed my dear Lord’s EARS off the past few months pleading with him to change my son’s heart about school, to create a healthy environment, to instill in him a love for learning and friends and his teacher. God has answered that 1million-fold if that is even possible! This little 7-year old has blossomed even more since school began 8 days ago – his countenance is joyful when he wakes, he is always the first one ready to go and smiles all day long. He practically skips out the door to school and gives me a high-five each morning before sitting down at his desk to start his work. He participates in class, engaging in conversation, answering questions, and being helpful to his teacher and classmates. He plays at recess with his new friends, is the soccer-star of the elementary school playground (each student that has watched my intro-slideshow in art class has looked at his picture and said, “hey! I know that boy! He is very good at soccer!”). His teacher loves him, and he respects her greatly, he has 2 other adoptees in his class, from Ethiopia, and even more friends from the states that he jokes and chats with like he’s been here forever. The aides all know who he is and gush about how sweet he is, and all of the big kids tell him hello and give him high-fives or hugs as he walks by (the perks of having older siblings at the school, I’m sure).

To anyone observing, Wes would most likely come across as a student who had been at the school since he began walking – he is at home, at ease, loves to play, but works hard and always does his best. This boy’s attitude has changed in the rest of his life since school began as well! While he was still a normally happy kid at home, his ability to shrug off frustrations, or respond positively to correction has morphed into something I can only describe as a pleasing aroma to our household! He is helpful, quick to be positive or give a smile, and even when he refuses physical affection (still working on that) he is beginning to allow himself to be moldable at times.

For those bringing kids home – we have dealt the past 3 months with something that has been increasingly frustrating – which is that every time he is asked a question, he gives a non-truth answer. Not in a malicious-intent way – he isn’t intending to deceive or lie in order to be rebellious or hurt- he thinks it is funny to say one thing and get someone to believe you (typical for this age)…but it was getting to the point where every question asked of him would get an opposite answer, including when a grown up friend would ask “Hi Wesley, are you having a good day?” and he would say “no” every time. Or mom says, “did you have fun at soccer today?” and “no” would be the automatic answer, even if we know he had a great time! It was getting to the point where we had to correct every time we got a negative answer, or we tried ignoring – and each time it would heap more frustration on the situation. After awhile, the older kids joined in on the “joke” and would start answering with a negative answer in a joking manner when we asked a question. For example, “Did you eat all your lunch today?” “No….I’m just kidding, yes”. UGH. It was to the point of terrible.

So – I had a spontaneous chat in the car with all the kids on the way to school the other day. I just offhandedly told them that we were going to work on ALL telling the truth the first time. I gave them a few examples of questions where they could answer the “truth answer” the first time, and told them that we are ALL going to work on telling the truth the first time – so we needed to all be practicing. I wanted Wes to know that it wasn’t a reprimand or correction targeted at him – but that everyone was going to be working on the behavior change.

I was absolutely blown away by the change. When I picked Wes up from school – “how was your day?” “Ummm…Good!” I seriously think I almost had a heart-attack. Immediately I said, “awesome, I’m glad to hear it! Thanks for telling the truth the first time!” Wes’ turnaround in how he answers questions has been immediate since that conversation and I can see a difference in how he engages in those conversations as well – he is more chatty, puts on a smile when he says “good!” and even told Daddy at the dinner table what we talked about in Art Class today – “magic colors” – with mommy!

We decided that it was time to start making more firm corrections in behaviors that have been annoying and brushed off the past few months due to “making an easier transition” because we were trying to avoid things that created massive conflicts. We have found that at this point in time, he is responding VERY well to firm correction, given with patience, grace and love. We still have to allow some extra beats before he follows a direction – many times – but that’s coming along. There are very few things we still continue to make concessions about – we don’t avoid the conflict, and we are shutting down the little behaviors that are laced with even the slightest malicious intent. Wes has not “shut down” in weeks – He hasn’t even really “shut off” others emotionally or closed off himself to anyone for long periods of time. He had his first stint of going to a friend’s house, with his sisters along, after school while I headed out to a Driver’s Ed Parent meeting with Braeden (!!!!!! HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE!!!???) and enjoyed his first late-night High School football game at school after-hours.

Overall – this week has been a week of firsts, but it has been amazing to watch this boy blossom inside and outside of the structure of school in America. He loves school, loves his teacher, his friends, and the structure of always knowing what is next! He loves everything about the many walls and halls of that building, and even seems to not mind that Mommy is there sometimes, passing in a hallway, or waving from a window!

We are blessed – incredibly. We are so so so so so aware. We have heard others’ struggles with transitioning kiddos from tough places, we have friends who are struggling, and others who are just surviving. Right now I feel like I’m surviving – but not for the same reason that I was “surviving” 5-6 weeks ago. It is finally starting to feel like a new normal – like this school year is just like any other school year – busy, and a tad crazy, with a few more oil pastels and dirty paint-water buckets thrown in.

I’m so excited to revisit this year come June – when he’s been through a year and we get to see just how much he has changed and grown! So far, I’m encouraged, I’m incredibly thankful, and I’m also incredibly exhausted…LOL! So, I’m going to sign off. I appreciate those of you who read through this entire account, because it is SO long – thank you for being you – for being supportive, committed, and our fortress of encouragement!

OH! Before I go – a quick update on my mom’s progress for those who know her and have inquired: she is now at a local rehab facility, where she will be until they release her to go home. She is making incredible progress each day – working hard, and absolutely determined to come out on top. She has a great attitude, perseverance, and grit that would make the toughest men blush! The OT and PT teams are encouraged by her progress and continue to give her new challenges each day! She has an incredible group of friends in addition to her family that are keeping her company, encouraging her and stepping up to take care of tasks that need doing while she’s “out”.

Blessings to you all, we will continue to partner with you in prayer, to lift others up as they have lifted up our hearts the past few years. Thank you for the honor and privilege of your friendship(s)!

~ Laura & family

 

This room was a complete transformation done with help from my husband, kids, and a couple sweet friends! Every time a child walks in for the first time, their face lights up! I love it! 

First Dentist appointment!

He was a Pro!

Warmed my heart – Abby helping Wes with his math homework!

Decided to explore the roller blades today! First thing he wanted to do was figure out “mommy how do I sit down?” Lol.  

First Day of School!

Thank you. Thank you for prayers, for encouragement, for the texts today inquiring how Wes’s first day of school went! All the stress leading up to this day and this is how it started:


“Mommy, how do you make my spaghetti stay warm for my lunch??!!” This guy was the first one asleep last night after an evening of giddy silliness (you would have thought it was Christmas Eve), and was the first one up this morning, downstairs fully dressed, helping pack his lunch πŸ˜€

We took photos on the porch: (and yes, one for me – it was technically my first day of school too, although I don’t  have to teach any classes this week)

Laura – 37 years old, 32nd grade, Kings Way K-5 Art teacher

Braeden, 15 years old (driving), 9th grade

Logan, 13-years old, 8th grade

Abby, 11-years old, 6th grade

Wesley, 7-years old, 1st grade


2017!!!!!

Wes walked right into class without so much as a tear, I had to March him right back out to give me a darn hug! Basically said, hey. I have spent months in anxiety over this moment – so give that anxiety a bit of validation and at least give me a clinging hug goodbye!! Lol! He sat down with a grin, waved at his new bestie across the desk, (a little girl who he met yesterday at the school social), and immediately got out his crayons to color! 

When I picked him up after school he was full of smiles and his teacher said he had an awesome day! He told us he is wearing his “snackcident bacon shirt” tomorrow so that his friend will like it and laugh πŸ˜‰ FYI his shirt says “Snackcident: noun: when you accidentally eat all the bacon” (or something like that). He thinks it’s hilarious and I’m just glad he’s already planning to go to school tomorrow! πŸ™‚

Today was a bit of a breather from a very very long, stressful and frightening weekend. On Friday evening last week, my mom was in a bike vs. vehicle accident that put her in OHSU Emergency care with two crushed wrists, a fractured leg, torn shoulder tissue and other cuts, bruising, and abrasions. We are incredibly thankful that she came out with clear CTs, no spine injuries, no other broken bones, no brain damage, and quite frankly, that she’s alive. 

Needless to say, my sister and I have spent many hours in the hospital and on the phone trying to coordinate care, visits and rehab placements in addition to trying to keep life as normal as possible for our families. It has made for some 3am nights, early mornings with Wes’ early-rider status, and now first day of school. In the meantime I also had to get my art classroom entirely painted top to bottom. I was so thankful for good friends to spend a night helping me paint walls, and Kris and the kids to help me make some headway when I was maxed out on stress! 

So today, I will admit, was a blessed morning. I dropped the kids off and was able to go spend almost 4 hours with my mom at the hospital, connect with the PT, OT and trauma team as well as her case manager to coordinate rehab following her discharge – all without worrying about what my kids were doing or who would watch them while I was up there! 

It has been an odd blessing – but a blessing indeed to be able to love my mom in a new way. She is always the one that has done the waiting at the hospitals, the recovery care, the checking-in – and now we get to show her in a very practical way how much she means to us. 

Her progress is better every day – she had surgery on both wrists on Saturday evening and while she still doesn’t have mobility and needs 24-hour care, it is so encouraging to see the little progress made each day! She is determined to move, to heal, and to be independent again – a physical therapist’s dream patient! πŸ˜‰

I’m signing off as we have another early morning tomorrow, but mostly wanted to say a huge thank you to those who prayed for this special day for Wes! All our kids had such an awesome first day of school – and they were all so excited to hear about his day and what he did and what his new friends names were! πŸ˜‰ (should I be surprised that the bulk of them are girls? I’m gonna have to watch that kid…) he said he “played school” with his friends at recess in the classroom – they had indoor recess today because the smoke is so heavy from the Columbia Gorge fires it is literally raining ash. (Or as Wes said this morning “there’s eyelash in the sky” – to which we were very confused until we realized he was trying to say “ash” LOL)

Unfortunately for Wes that means no swimming, no playing outside, no bikes, etc. the air quality is so thick with smoke and ash – thankfully this all hit just a couple days before school started and not midway through summer!! Praying they get the fires under control soon!

I’m heading to sleep – exhausted. Praying for another great day tomorrow!

Blessings,  

Laura


This was how I found them at pickup after school! Happy kids!

It all started with a paper hat…

It all started with a paper hat. Yesterday, he was in a funky beginning of a moody grouch session and picked up a random piece of glossy paper insert that was laying on the counter and began to fold it. After about 2 minutes it was carefully folded into a paper hat – to which I pounced on the opportunity for a distraction and said, “wow, that is so cool! You made a hat! How did you make that?” To which he dismissed my excitement with an offhanded, “oh I make those in Haiti all the time.” (Yeah, no big deal, mom). 

I slid over a blank white piece of paper and asked if he could do it again. He quickly made a hat and then I said “hey do you know how to use glue? You could glue colored pieces of paper on there for a decoration!” He thought for a split second and said “oh that’s a good idea!” (Skies open and Angels sing the hallelujah chorus) 10 minutes later he had shapes carefully glued on each side, took a look at it from arms length and said, “ehhh. Mommy we no have paint?” (Dude. You think God is going to place you in a forever family that doesn’t have PAINT? You drew the longest straw in this one, buddy!) “paint?? Oh yeah. Mommy has paints!” He turned inquisitively to face me and lifted an eyebrow, “I can paint this hat?” (A family that has paint and doesn’t let you use it? Pssshhhh!) “of course you can! Take your hat to the table and I’ll get some paints for you!” 

An hour later, the girls had gotten in on the action and there were multiple painted paper hats and then a host of painted pictures as well! I figured maybe that was my little blessing window of seeing creativity budding. 

This morning he went right to the table when we got up and busted out a pencil drawing of our house interior complete with all the rooms for everyone and a dining table complete with a bowl of spaghetti – all before the solar eclipse started at 9:06am πŸ˜‰ after we completed seeing the sun “get black” with special glasses and our next door neighbors he spent the next 2 hours painting his house and beginning an art museum’s worth of masterpieces. Later on in the afternoon the girls joined him and they painted another hour together. I have never seen him so deliberate and focused – and the creativity was so beautiful! 

I was so encouraged to see this part of him come through – as he has resisted projects and coloring and drawing for the most part – guess maybe he just needed to be inspired by the paints! πŸ˜‰ 

We had such a beautiful Wesley day today – the painting just added to it! I had an hours worth of snuggles and cuddles in my bed this morning and at bedtime tonight he gave and received kisses and tried falling asleep cuddled against me with his arm thrown across my chest! (The bliss came to a screeching halt when he kept fidgeting and finally I heard, “mommy you hair is tickle me.” πŸ™‚ Guess I have tickley hair. Who knew? 

Anyway – I don’t usually post two days in succession but I thought it was important to share the beautiful moments and not just the “this is tough and I’m exhausted” ones. 

I could use a few extra prayers tomorrow – I have a bit of a crazy day with my Crohn’s treatment and not my normal availability of Kris’ help. πŸ˜‰ I’m sure it will be fine but I can already feel my anxiety building. Pray for smooth day with Wes and a smooth peace over my heart as well! Oh – and he has his first official soccer practice – and it sounds silly but pray for his little emotional self that he will not fight going to soccer – because I know he will have a blast if he goes and plays – but I’m also having to get him there by myself after being wasted from my treatment. Praying hard that he goes peacefully and that it’s a smooth evening πŸ˜‰

Blessings,

Laura
Oh and forgot to post pics yesterday so here’s a few from the past few weeks!

So focused!

Apple tree and a swimming pool with a guy diving!

Watching the black sun…

Today’s architectural drawing…

Yesterday’s hat-making…

Another perk to being on property…shoot guns in the front yard! πŸ˜‰

Rare midday snuggles…

“Mommy I catch a huge big one fish!!”

I just want to live here. Forever. 

Thumbs up means go fast-fast!

Watching the horses…

Exploring the old Silos on the farm!

So adorable, this is where the Little’s wanted to sit every time they rode in the boat! Up front!

He doesn’t like boats at all πŸ˜‰

Our trip to Columbia River Ranch – for a few days of (active) rest! Wes experienced his first boat rides and inner tubing!

We took Wes to his first Clark County Fair! He loved every second of it – and his favorite ride was the rollercoaster!

Gotta love the ping pong ball in the goldfish bowl game…somehow we get a fish for almost free but the tank and stuff to keep it alive is $60. Now out of 6 fair fish, only one is still swimming. I think it would have been more fun to use that $60 on more roller coaster rides for Wes! Lol

My dad does an annual “Adventure Day” with each grandkid to explore different activities and try new things – he did a modified version for Wes – and they had a blast! Making musical instruments with wood spoons and washers, and shooting bow/arrows in the back yard!
Caught a fish!


The kids were building a dam – so dad decided to use his muscles to help out!

The ultimate Sand Man!


Can’t see them very well but this is our traditional photo-taking spot at Lincoln City beach!