I have started this post three times now, and deleted it because I thought it was a terrible start – we’ll see if this beginning stays… 🙂
It’s been a long 6 weeks. We had expected to receive a referral over Valentine’s Day week (or month?) and instead ended up getting some tough news. The pre-match (a match suggested by the orphanage staff, and submitted with our file to IBESR) that was attached to our file was now too old for our family’s age parameters, our home study and our USCIS paperwork. Somehow during this process, the actual age of the child had been overlooked, or the time frame for the wait had been unforeseen (as originally we should have had an official referral and been well on our way to almost HOME by now), and the child had aged out before our official referral arrived.
At the initial onset of this news we were devastated, frustrated, and completely lost. We didn’t have a clue what God was doing, or why this had happened to us a second time. In all honesty we still don’t understand, except that we have come to trust that God has a very special plan for our family and the only way for it to come to fruition the way He designed was for Him to manhandle our situation a bit!
We had two options: we could keep the match already assigned, and change our paperwork and emotionally adjust our family to prepare for an older child than we had planned on, or we could ask the orphanage/agency to re-match our file with a younger child. After prayerful consideration we really felt like the best thing for our family was to ask that we be re-matched. We felt like introducing a younger child into our family will be a better fit and we consistently have the peace that we made the right decision.
Update & Clarification: to any reader who is not familiar with our story, or still confused on our situation, other Haiti families, etc. – please understand that every situation is different. Your family’s process will look completely different than ours and any other family’s process. Our timelines will never match up, there will be no process that matches up – no track-record to base estimates on, so please do not read our story and assume that yours will follow suit or be the same. Please do not assume that just because we have had to make changes that you will need to make changes. There are some things that ARE in your control, that you as an adoptive parent get to decide on – whether to stay the course, leaving things as-is, or change the direction, or just simply change a parameter. Many of those decisions will be up to you – and most of you will not even need to make them.
It’s been a long 6 weeks of waiting for our agency and the orphanage to come up with a plan to swap our match, and a game plan for how to move forward. As it is now, we have been re-matched with a new child that fits our age and gender parameters. We will not receive any official information on him until an “official referral” is received – from IBESR.
Children in the system with a living birth parent are required to have two birth parent interviews conducted by IBESR before their file is released to go before the Children’s Judge for a relinquishment signature, then back to IBESR for the required signatures that will issue our official referral. Our new match has completed one of the two required BP interviews. There is one more completed interview needed before it can be released to the Children’s judge.
The biggest delay currently is that the IBESR has put a hold on all Birth Parent interviews (We have been told they have not conducted any new interviews since September). Without this last interview we cannot move forward. We have now been in IBESR for almost 16 months from our initial Dossier acceptance, and almost two years into our process.
We are asking everyone to help us pray for a miracle right now – that IBESR would decide to move forward and conduct the Birth Parent interviews and that ours would be one of them! There is no rhyme or reason to the process or wait times, and such a thing as a queue does not exist in their system. There is no “first come first served” basis, no lines, no progress of order. We understand their system and accept it in the sense that they are a 3rd world country and do not have the organizational accountability or structure that we have – nor can we expect them to. We cannot change their system and cannot do anything but wait, pray, and trust that God has ultimate control over the situation.
So while we continue to wait, we live – and we live fully! We are very busy, Braeden just finished basketball and just started spring baseball – both in little league and private training and he loves it! The girls are getting ready to head to Disneyland over Spring Break (yes, with mommy chaperoning) to perform with their Dance Team in California Adventure – very exciting! We are heading into a weekend of dress rehearsals and trip meetings, and looking ahead to a packed few months of huge recitals!
Our new house is about to become a tangible reality as we are breaking ground early next week (or they could surprise me today, if the Excavator can get the necessary locate markings)! Currently our lot looks like this:
When the house is complete, we’ll be dealing with a whole new set of emotions during the extended wait because we will have a dedicated room for Little Man that will be empty (or in process of decorating for him) until he comes home! Yikes!
Our estimated time frame for completion and move in is mid-to-late July!
We will be roasting another huge batch of McGreevey & Sons coffee sometime soon…so if you’re out and need more beans, shoot us an email or let Kris know via our FB page.
My Stella & Dot jewelry website has a link to the side of this page – all profits from my site go directly into our Adoption Account – so order away!
One last thing – thank you all for your continued check-ins, your incessant and persistent prayers (if we are annoying the Lord with our daily bombarding of requests for miracles – hooray!) although at times the silence makes it feels like our prayers fall on deaf ears, I know without a doubt that He hears us and wants more than anything for us to experience the fullness of His design for our lives! Sometimes I think that without the heartache of the “wait” we would not know Him as deeply or come to trust Him as fully as we do. Our lives are forever changed by this experience, our hearts forever shaped in a different way. He holds us completely, no matter what – every dream, every breath, every heartbeat we have is enveloped in the safety of His arms.
I don’t usually have songs that I’ve written stuck in my head, but this week God has brought me back to one of my originals, one that’s circled the globe and come back full circle, originally written to touch a friend’s heart, sent out from there to touch the world, and launched firmly back into my own life to remind me of where my heart and my feet are firmly grounded. If you haven’t heard it – it’s called “Hold Me”, it should be up on the music player on the side of the page, aalong with another of my quiet favorites, “A Breath Away” and I’ll try to insert it below as well.
Blessings to you all, thanks again for your continued support!