The Wait

The Wait

So many that have gone before

have filled our hearts and minds with lore

of heartache deep and trials wide

paths marked with endless turning tide

of waves that ebb and waves that flow

never returning words of hope

they pace the sand in furrows deep

dug in by wandering, waiting feet.

So solemn and prepared were we

to gather up our family

to sit them out, the turning tides

and weather trials scarred and wide

to brave the storm, the wind and rain

the doldrums of the waiting game.

Yet seven months have passed us by

barely a chance to blink an eye

“The Wait,” they say, “will test your faith!”

yet this rush may be testing fate.

Prepared to learn with time to grow

reality screams, “NOW! You need to KNOW!”

And so, The Wait is watered down

While some have walked, our legs have run

at some point, maybe now? we’ll slow

time to learn, and space to grow.

Who knows what The Wait will bring

its next breath sweet or aching sting

we have not, do not, will not know

when The Wait will come and go.

So watchful eyes, and pensive souls

each day anticipating calls

and when the sun brings days to close

we pray the next will give us news.

All around us life in swing

barely cracks us room to breathe

much less a moment’s time to ponder

the ever-circling “How much longer?”

A blessing, here, a comfort there

that life goes on, breathes the same air

And so The Wait, when it comes

is swept up in the hurricane of distraction.

*******

At times, I think I feel guilty. I wonder “why me? why us?” and I don’t know the answers. These past seven months have screamed by us like a banshee (complete with the creepy whistling scream – but minus the terrifying whispy-ness whipping through our hair). It’s been almost two months since we “entered” IBESR, waiting for our referral to be approved, yet it really feels like just a couple of months ago we excitedly and breathlessly clicked “submit”on our initial application for international adoption.

I hear stories and see pictures of families just now coming home from Haiti with their newly adopted children, all smiles, but with an air of exhaustion and relief that says “I’m so glad the wait is over!” I honestly feel like at this point in time, I should be sick of the waiting, tired of the unknown, tired of living in the constant state of answering “I DON’T KNOW” when every other person I see asks me “how much longer?”

The truth is – it hasn’t been excrutiating…yet. I haven’t wondered “God, how could you ask us to go through this???!!!!”…yet. And yet I see these families, some of whom have gone through absolute HELL to get to their child. They’ve fought hard and they’ve WON. They’re home and they’re sweaty from the battle and their whole bodies are racked with shakes and every muscle is convulsing like a Jello mold on a trampoline because they have poured EVERYTHING into the journey, and they are HOME. And the fight is by no means over, but they are at least fighting on their own turf now. In the comfort of their “real” world – instead of in the surreal state of international business and international governments, international embassies and officials, social research and dignitaries. And I wonder…will that be us? Or will we arrive calm and collected as if The Wait never even existed? And, if that’s the case? WHAT’S WRONG WITH US??!!

We run through life as we know it right now – every day is a routine of school drop-off’s and pick-ups, playdates and sports, ballet and dentist appointments, gym workouts and PTA meetings. Daily work and business trips for Kris, sports coaching, worship leading, sunday mornings, the list goes on and on. We don’t have the option to just sit in one spot and wait for the next phone call. And while I feel guilty at times that I’m not overcome with the grief of the wait that some others experience, I know that at the same time God has blessed us with distraction and busy-ness. That while at times those things can become overwhelming and need to be limited – at this point in time, they are a blessing.

I feel like we should be mentally preparing for The Worst Wait To Come, though. It seems like the worst of it may potentially arrive when we finally see and accept a photo, a heart, a background, a name, a play-by-play description of our child and his loves and his likes and his dislikes. When all of a sudden we become emotionally, physically, spiritually invested in a little PERSON, rather than just an idea of a little person.

But for now, we somersault through our days, clicking refresh on our email inbox as we drive to the next appointment, or pick up the next conference call from a client, or silently mouth the “5-6-7-8!” at the beginning of the dance choreography. We wait in the fractions of moments between moments, of the slivers of time that hang between minutes; the invisible threads of dreams weaving themselves in and out among our jumbled schedules.

The Wait. I think we don’t even know what that means…yet.

As far as an update goes – we are still “waiting” 🙂 IBESR has yet to make finalized approvals on referrals for our group – we are praying this happens soon, but there is also a current (metaphorical) hurricane of unknowns right now within the country of Haiti and the US Department of State. Haiti’s government just announced about 2 weeks ago, that they are officially submitting for Hague Convention status (I’m sure my wording is incorrect, but this is the easiest way for me to understand it.)

In basic terms, countries that are part of the “Hague Convention” have increased safeguards and very specific process to double-triple-quadruple-check that the children being adopted out are not the victims of child trafficking. There are other issues surrounding Hague status, and if you would like to know more, here is a good link to research:

http://adoption.state.gov/hague_convention/overview.php

The fright that this notice is giving current adoptive families that are in Haiti adoption process, is that many countries “close” (meaning they do not accept or process any more adoptions)after submitting their official intentions for this status, until after the approval and status is achieved, as their current processes have to undergo many certifications and detailed combing by officials that takes months if not years. The hope for Haiti, however, is that they will continue to keep their adoption process open and functional. The US dept. of State has a huge part in making this decision – so we are continuing to pray that they will continue to process adoptions, and that current in-process families will be grandfathered into running through the old process.

We should know a bit more on this in the coming weeks. Feel free to follow the news/updates on your own as well – the adoption.state.gov site above has a wealth of information and is consistently updated as new information is released.

Thanks so much for waiting with us – for your encouragement and prayers.

~L

 

 

One thought on “The Wait

  1. Jennifer Van Atta says:

    Such a vulnerable retelling of the processes you are going through, Laura. Thank you for sharing publicly. When things go well, we often question whether there has been some mistake, or question our abilities to face certain truths …. yet when things go poorly we somehow feel it is our calling. Neither, I believe, is true. We are continually given moments for learning in our lives – but also moments for rest, for growth, for sadness, for giggles – for everything there is surely a season to be enjoyed in its fullness in our best capacities possible. Love, Mom

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