Interesting conversation with a friend yesterday reminded me of an inherent quality (habit? vice? tendency?) of mine that is incredibly hard for me to overcome. We were discussing the issue of personality types among children potentially matched to our family – I found myself saying, “well, can’t they study our family’s personality and our kids’ personalities and our common interests and active lifestyle, and then choose a child that best matches us?” As the conversation moved on we kind of ended on the realization that you “get what you get” and you pledge to love what you are given. We also delved into the idea that God knows our family better than we do – and that He does the work of placing the child He has chosen for our family in the sights of the agency.
As I revisited that conversation with my dad later that evening, I realized that quite possibly my “worst” character trait is my intense desire to be in control. If there is a decision, direction, or situation placed in front of my where I will not be able to control, persuade, heavily influence or manipulate the outcome – I just won’t get involved.
This whole business of adoption involves the exact opposite of what makes me comfortable. Its not like going shopping for a Television that meets all your expectations, or the prefect family car, or even a family dog with the best temperament. I realized that throughout this process, the extent of my “control” is that I get to make ONE decision. This decision is the very first one made, and is simply that I get to answer YES or NO. I can either say “YES”, and open my arms and my heart to another child in need, or I can say “NO” and continue to live in the comfort of my life as-is. However the control ends there.
By saying yes, I stand at the edge of what is “known” with open hands – ready to accept the unknown and what I am given, however long it takes, and whoever is given to me to love. The most difficult thing for me right this moment is knowing that I no longer have control. I have put my full trust in a God whom I have never seen in the flesh, but whose mercies have proven new each and every morning that I take one more breath.
And in the very next moment – I know that I wouldn’t have it any other way.
In a few days, most likely after the holiday weekend, we will be set up with a family coordinator located in Virginia (where the home office is for AWAA) and a social worker (local) who will begin our lengthy home study.
Before that begins, we will need to come up with another installment of fees, so we could use prayer & any ideas you may have on fundraising! 🙂
We will be updating the “Support” section within the next week or two with links & more detailed info on how people can help, pray, and join us in this journey!
Thanks to you all for your ongoing love and support!